Court clothes-how to get a guilty verdict before you even open your mouth.

So right now I have the urge to right some really personal things just to get them off my chest. And if my blog wasn't so clearly labeled as mine or come up on my facebook wall then perhaps I would. But it does so I'm not going to.

Instead, I'm going to write about fashion in the courts.

I asure you, it's a real eye opener.

Now, if I was (God forbid) to ever have to appear in court, I, like the other right thinking members of society would wear a sombre suit, (and possibly show a little leg in case it was a sexually frustrated male Judge). I would also be clean-as personal hygiene is very important.

But today, in Southend Magistrates Court, I saw some REAL sights.

So, when appearing in court, I have discovered that it is fashionable to wear sweat pants. rolled down at the top so your pubes are showing, and rolled up at the leg to show off your fake uggs. Note- they must be fake- real are soooooo passe.

These should b accompanied by a t-shirt, 2 sizes too small so it rides up over your pertruding stomach and preferably with a vulgar saying em-blazed on the chest.

On top of the t shirt should be a ratty looking anorak (from a market stall obviously) and if its shiny black PVC- you know you've got the look down.

Jewelry wise remember-more is more. Be like a gypsy and wear all you've got, and if you don't have a pair of thick over sized hoops, invest in them- it will certainly impress the judge.

Finally the most important aspect of the look, a nice flick knife in your pocket-you never know when you might need it.