Takeaway, takes the piss :S

So today, I stumbled upon and article on our local rags website saying that 82 food joints in Southend have received the lowest possible scores in a Food Hygiene and Safety poll.

Scores on the Doors publish the hygiene results for restaurants, pubs, cafes, takeaways and burger vendors, giving them a maximum of 5 stars.

The problem I have with this poll, is that after looking it up myself, all my favourite places to eat at about 3am in the morning, whilst either staggering to a taxi rank or back to one of my friends houses, have all received 0 stars. Not just one, but all.

Where am I going to eat now???

SO I looked into it further and discerned that in order to get no stars at all the kebab hut has to have "Almost total non-compliance with statutory obligations'. Now I don't really know what this means, but surely it cannot be good.

And I know that on more than one occasion I've seen them guys put cold chips in the microwave and then give them too us, and the same of manky bits of meat....I guess I'd just never really thought bout it before.

This creates a huge problem for me- where am I going to eat now??? 

Although saying this, by the time 3am rolls around on a Saturday night, I probably won't care.

Lenny burger vs Lenny concarne- I know what I'd rather!

So it may well be the end of the greasy, dirty and oh so satisfying burger van!!!!

Why!!!!!!

Council workers in Guilford have been warning burger van vender's that if they do not 'healthen up' their menus they may well not have their licenses renewed.

According to the Daily Mail the council wants to see "Low fat grilled sausage, whole meal bread, chill con cane with lean mince, and jacket potatoes with fillings" on the menu.

They are also considering limiting the amount of mayonnaise people can have.

The only people who really visit burger vans are the drunk and disorderly, I certainly wouldn't dream of going to one sober.

But after 1 or 2....or 12 alcoholic beverages of an assorted variety ( I normally start with wine, have a few sambucas then end up on the gnats piss we call a wkd) there is nothing I want more than to visit my mate Lenny at his burger van.

(Or if I'm in Southend-Darius in the kebab shop)

And excuse me, but at 2am, the last thing on my mind is my health-I just want something to try and stop me vomiting.

If that's what a cheese burger with an obscene amount of mayo and ketchup will do for me, then what right has the council got to completely ruin my night? (And make more work for the street cleaners btw)

Further more, who is really going to try and stop me from having as much mayo as I want?? Surely not my mate Lenny!!

I know burgers from burger vans are not good for you-but to be honest, when I'm drunk I don't care.

I know the rule- 1 burger in every 3 from Lenny could conceivably kill you-and I've suffered the consequences, more than once :S.

But at the end of the day, it's my choice. Sometimes I want a greasy mayo filled burger. End of.....

Also, I'm not fat, so who cares anyway.